Maybe she's born with it. Maybe she's just Blake Lively
XOXOh, girl, please, no
Not us coming back from our summer break to greet our new and loyal readers! Don’t worry, there’s always plenty of tea to go around. So let’s cut the chit-chat and jump right in, shall we?
Two Three words: Blake Lively. Urgh.
Blake’s been hogging more than her fair share of the spotlight recently, flaunting not one but three million floral ensembles to promote her upcoming movie It Ends With Us (will it though?!), her new haircare line and husband Ryan Reynolds' latest Deadpool & Wolverine project. Yet, amid her floral frenzy, which some have found less than groundbreaking, Lively’s omnipresence reached a new peak when Baz Luhrmann and Bob Wintour decided to feature the ‘movie star’ on Vogue’s September Issue alongside another 'movie star' whose Marvel days might be running out. It’s a whirlwind of fashion and promotion that’s honestly just too much to bear.
The perplexity we felt after sifting through that interview, please. Vogue writer Andrew Sean Greer’s romanticisation of an actress who, to us, has emerged out of nowhere is baffling. Has Blake Lively really been that girl on the silver screen? Since when?! Greer met Lively in Rome during the filming of the sequel to A Simple Favor. The result was a lavish spread titled ‘Monte Carlo Muse’, inspired by Hitchcock’s To Catch a Thief. Reading through the article, we were struck by Greer’s disillusioned musings: 'What makes a movie star? There are so few left, at least in the old-fashioned sense of Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn, and here I sit before one of the last of these rare creatures…' erm, LOL! No comment.
It’s clear that when it comes to reaching, Greer takes Olympic gold. Note this quote he managed to wrangle out of Hugh Jackman: 'They are megawatt stars' (referring to Blake and her husband). 'and of course I’ve spent many hours with them, like in pajamas, just hanging out in their house with their nine hundred children and dogs, and it is just as normal as can be. Blake will be baking and cooking, saying, “Let’s make pizza,” and then the next thing you know,' he says, describing her changing for an event, 'there she is, this incredible star. It’s… it’s astonishing to me.'
Thanks, Mr. Jackman, for the glowing commentary. It’s as if we’re supposed to care that Blake Lively is basically a trad wife with star power—at least one who’s held onto her last name.
Verity: Blake and Ryan FOR SURE had Jackman’s b*lls trapped in a vise that day.
Kholi: Whyyyy are they forcing this woman on us? She’s not getting that Oscar, and she’s sure as hell not getting an CFDA Fashion Icon Award anytime soon. To top it off, she’s also promoting her new hair care line, Blake Brown. It’s like a Kérastase dupe, only your ends look as dry as My Little Pony.
V: Apparently she’s more than just a movie cut into 15 TikTok videos. It’s funny because even after disconnecting from social media to sit in a dark room and decompress, I was still confronted with this woman. It’s as if her desperation to be ‘that girl’ has literally saturated the air we breathe.
The article also highlighted Lively’s alleged talents, ranging from world-class baker to actual writer (???), claiming she often tweaks her dialogue—brushing it up, if you will—to bring her characters to life. But writing from scratch isn't Blake’s forte. She explains: ‘A blank page isn’t as exciting as starting with a script and finding overlooked gems. It’s a treasure hunt. I become an archaeologist, excavating and showing its value. That’s what I love.’
V: Aka, I have no clue how to start anything myself, so I’m just going to criticise someone else’s work and take all the cred.
Exactly that. The real scoop is that Lively allegedly took over her It Ends With Us director and co-star Justin Baldoni's final cut edit, even though his version scored higher with audiences. Meanwhile, Blake and Ryan Reynolds cosied up to Colleen Hoover, who wrote the book the movie is based on, and Sony, ensuring their cut won out. Now, the cast is shunning Justin and avoiding press with him, believing Blake has the movie’s best interests at heart—or at least her own.
K: The TikTok girlies have BEEN spilling, and I'm living for the drama. It's hilarious that Blake seems to think she's hot sh*t. Seemingly, she's too talented for a stylist and too skilled to let the film's director have a say on the final cut. She’s desperate to prove she can do it all, but at what cost?
V: I spy with my little eye something beginning with narcissist 👀 Poor Justin, though.
While we’re on the IEWU topic, let’s quickly dissect those press tour looks. It seems only fitting to dive into the chaos, especially with everyone checked out these days and the girls and gays enjoying a ‘Brat summer’.
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Starring in the movie as a florist named Lily Bloom (that’s as much of the plot as we’ll reveal—Colleen Hoover stans, we are not).
V: To be fair, I read Hoover’s Verity for blatantly obvious reasons, and I wish I hadn’t. But carry on.
Lively has stayed true to her character by sporting a range of floral-inspired outfits in the lead up to the movie’s August 9th release in the US. The mother of four and former Gossip Girl has tried, and unsurprisingly failed, to outshine Zendaya—with no stylist in sight, of course.
Clearly oblivious to her nauseating mix of a floor-length polka-dot top, floral cargo pants and matching jacket, she truly has earned the title of the worst-dressed 'movie star'—perhaps of all time.
Hives but make it an aesthetic. It’s like she dressed in the dark to avoid waking the kids, wearing shoes that her assistant must have picked out, perhaps under the assumption she was heading to said kids' dance recital? There’s no other excuse for the senselessness of this ensemble, sorry.
Another dance recital look, but this time she’s front and centre in an outfit straight outta her inner child's imagination. It could’ve been cute if it weren’t so charmless and chaotic. With that skirt of tiered multicoloured feathers paired with Louboutins... If Blake ever ventures into Disney roles, we just might have to retire from fashion criticism altogether. All hope would be lost.
The black chaps with floral embroidery on denim are simply diabolical—Stella McCartney, girl, have you no shame?
Adding to the mess tour’s roster was this casual Versace getup she flaunted in NYC. The base? A pink bra and briefs with a logo so in-your-face it was more 'boo' than 'peek.' Lively topped it off with a floral chainmail shirt and light-wash jeans bedazzled with sparkles. Think ‘Glamazon Barbie moonlighting as a Swiftie’—that’s not a compliment, in case you were wondering. Her open-toe pink shoes also featured floral appliqué, which, surprisingly, were actually really cute.
Thankfully, there were a few looks that were on the more stable end of the spectrum.
Wearing Britney’s actual dress by Versace was definitely a palate cleanser after the horrid onslaught of looks we’d seen earlier. She’s definitely serving in Donatella’s gowns, honey! Also, this little pink number was kind of a slay for a slumber party. A slay, nonetheless.
K: I'm dying to know how she chooses her outfits. Does she have a Pinterest board? (Of course she does!) Did she scour Google for the latest floral looks from top designers? How many assistants are losing sleep tracking down these sartorial disasters? I have so many questions!
V: Just looking at that Versace mini dress makes my teeth hurt. Vogue spread aside, I’m glad this woman’s sartorial choices have been unmasked Scooby-Doo style during this press tour. Perhaps now we’ll stop tolerating her?
K: So I went on Twitter (X?), and lo and behold, another one dropped.
K: I just know some of the girls are gonna say she ate, but I'm wondering, what exactly did she eat? If anything, it looks like she left a trail of crumbs across that candy wrapper of a jacket. Don’t even get me started on those boots, please. Plantation Barbie can keep her little outfits—I'm over it.
V: Do you think she genuinely believes she looks good, or is she wearing this crap on purpose for the attention? Either way, she needs to stop trying to make ‘Blakecore’ happen—it's not going to happen.
Thank you darling!!!! Your hard truths are awesome. Do you love perfume???? I appreciate your writing!