RIP Iris Apfel. You would’ve found Paris Fashion Week incredibly underwhelming.
Let them drink tea
Amidst a whirlwind of chaos on the internet, Kate Middleton has lit up a storm of conspiracy theories following her hospitalisation for abdominal surgery. With her disappearance from public view for 70 days, speculations have run rampant, from her being "Gone Girl'd" to undergoing secret cosmetic procedures, to cos-playing as The Unknown during an ‘encherining’ Willy Wonka experience in Glasgow.
Yet, on March 4th, Backgrid captured photos of the princess near Windsor Castle, alongside her mother, Carole Middleton. Cue the online sleuths questioning the sighting, with some suggesting it might actually be her sister, Pippa. And if it was really her, then why was her face all bloated? Maybe the Royal Family hired a lookalike. That seems to be all the rage these days.
Kholi: So, I have a hunch that Kate being spotted out with her mother has something to do with her marriage. Maybe I'm overly engrossed in royal gossip, but I doubt this was just a case of a parent offering their support post-surgery. I suspect it's related to Willy not being able to keep his w*lly in his trousers. Allegedly.
Verity: Call me a sleuth but whether that actually is Kate ridin’ in the passenger side of her mum’s ride - I’m not so convinced. Whoever she is, she does looks pretty swollen. We girls and gays all know what it’s like to wake up puffy after a night of sobbing but this? No man is worth that many tears. Not even a prince.
Speaking of drama, or the lack thereof, Seán McGirr's debut at McQueen left us feeling triggered, with a potential case of PMSD (Post-McQueen Stress Disorder) on the horizon. In an interview with backstage journalists, he mentioned starting with inspiration from the Birds collection (referring to the spring 1995 Lee Alexander McQueen show), as it ‘resonated’ with him the most.
"What I like about it is that it’s all very simple, but it’s slightly twisted. It’s a jacket with a more stacked shoulder, or the lapel goes up a little too high. It’s the idea of making beautiful tailoring and then running a tyre over it to make something new. Taking something and twisting it and crushing it and seeing what happens."
Was 'beautiful tailoring' on the cutting room floor? We think not. It felt more like a poorly executed mishmash of different influences: Loewe (given his previous stint with the JW Anderson team), a touch of Rick Owens and a sprinkle of Junya Watanabe. Interestingly, McGirr did mention his admiration for Rick Owens and Japanese designers Junya Watanabe, Issey Miyake and Rei Kawakubo. However, none of this admiration aptly transpired through the clothes. It was a soulless story with no resolution. Great coats, though.
K: McGirr had Debra Shaw walking that runway like a mere echo of her former self. That was already his first strike. And this isn't comparable to the debuts of Demna or Galliano, as suggested by legacy journalists, where their initial collections sparked outrage. It goes deeper than that, Cathy Horyn! Kering should have listened to Lee's words. He didn't want his legacy to continue without him.
V: Honestly, I thought this was a promo for an upcoming season of Next In Fashion. What was he thinking!? Surely the studio team didn’t leave with Sarah, so why did no one stop him?
K: Money. Pandering to the youth seems to equate to churning out tasteless clothes. As long as it sells.
V: The only ones whipping out their credit cards for this are the cat mums because that is one BIG scratching post.
Miuccia, mother, darling
The Miu Miu girlie grew up - how delightful. Gone are the days of the viral micro mini, that look has since graduated to longer, fuller skirts.
K: Excuse me while I digress for a moment, but I'm still captivated by her American Vogue cover. It's as if she's purposefully averting our gaze, engrossed in something more profound—perhaps her work. When I look at this collection, I imagine it's what she'd wear if she were a Millennial. Essentially, it's like us, but with heaps of cash.
V: I said yesterday that if the Ganni girls had more money then they’d be filling their wardrobes with Miu Miu.
K: Exactly.
V: The collection felt like a slightly more mature continuation of what Miuccia’s been giving us for the last few seasons and I’m here for it. What I’m also here for is the greater age representation on the runway: faces like Qin Huilan, Dame Kristin Scott Thomas and Ángela Molina (who btw, looked like she was having loads of fun!). If I was ever curious as to what us Millennials will be wearing during our later years, then now I know.
Add in a slink suit with a pencil skirt, and if skin is left bare, it's done in an elegant way, as seen in the last three looks which exuded Miuccia’s take on the LBD. As much as it's always a pleasure to witness constant evolution from a designer who has long pushed the conversation forward in fashion, nothing else really stood out in Paris.
Not a pant. Not a bag. Not even a sleeve.
K: Alright, maybe we're exaggerating a tad. Chloè's return to her bohemian roots was a vibe. Stella (McCartney) got her groove back! Loewe? Always hitting the mark. That coat with the painted wood collar? I need to see Tilda Swinton in that, immediately!
V: Mate, I didn’t know I needed an embroidered asparagus bag until I saw one slinking down the runway at Loewe. That, and those coats! I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, I’d pay good money to peek inside Jonathan’s mind. You’d have thought McGirr would have at least brought some tricks from his days at the designer’s namesake label to McQueen? Guess not.
Nicolas Ghesquière, whom we praised not long ago for his stellar work on Zendaya’s custom looks for the Dune: Part Two press run, celebrated 10 years at Louis Vuitton by sending a few dazzling looks here and there.
K: I was yearning for a Poor Things reference so badly! I just craved a surrealistic fairytale, anything to encapsulate the stellar work of the film's costume designer, Holly Waddington. It really is a shame Ghesquière didn’t deliver on that front.
V: Right, the styling in that movie was giving, so it would’ve been really something to see the same level of excitement at Louis V. That said, I do think it’s a cool collection, literally: a cool-toned colour palette of sporty-cum-snow queen-inspired fits paired with furry mittens.
The eye masks were a nice touch, while the bouncy skirts were divine, same goes for the gloves with fringe detailing. Fringe is in. However, he fell short of bringing the drama further, leaving some expectations unmet. We had hoped for more muffled, ruffled sleeves—after all, this was supposed to be the season of the sleeve. Or so we thought. Five stars to Marine Serre for quenching our thirst ever so slightly.
Switching gears real quick to mention that March 7th marks the unveiling of another Phoebe Philo release (because we still care!). Our socials were graced with a new post featuring a flaunted pair of fringed mules. Vanessa Friedman was quick to spotlight this trend, tweeting "Serious on the top, party on the bottom" during Bottega's AW24 in Milan. The post showcased a video of a model strutting down the runway in a plain black shirtdress with a furry band and layers of fringe.
As release day approaches, we anticipate the continuation of Philo's signature blend of serious business casual with an after-work drinks vibe in her pricey pieces. Yet, we're growing weary of scouring through her website like it's an Easter egg hunt, with elusive finds akin to expensive Russian delicacies. Give us something tangible—a lookbook, a reliable Instagram account—because the digital whiteboarding stunt, reminiscent of Kanye/Balenciaga, leaves us craving consistency and lasting impressions. This sentiment extends to our feelings about the state of fashion in general.
☕️: Talking of Balenciaga, we're not here to echo the online rumour-mongers who claimed that Daniel Lee was reportedly fired from Burberry, so please take this tea with a pinch of salt. Allegedly, the AW24 show was Demna's final one for Balenciaga, and there are whispers about him planning to launch a brand with Kim K in LA. Make of that what you will.
It’s no wonder then that Mary-Kate and Ashley encouraged guests to put away their phones and pick up a notebook, instead. We appreciate the concept of immersing oneself in art and living in the moment. It's not surprising that we rarely see them with their phones when they're out and about. The Olsen twins' approach invites us to intellectualise and adds a unique twist: the tranquility of luxury.
K: You know, I've started thinking that maybe their brilliance comes from not being too caught up in the whole online thing. And the way they keep their creative process and personal lives shrouded in mystery makes me wonder if they're aiming to emulate Margiela’s cult of invisibility.
V: I still can’t get over Ashley navigating pregnancy and not telling a soul outside of her circle until after she gave birth. In an age where people compulsively overshare, the twins’ decision to outlaw phones during the show was just testament to their craft. It’s chic, it’s culty, it’s anything but exhausting.
K: It's as if they've bid farewell to the commoners, sealing the doors to their palaces filled with luxurious calfskin leathers and bowls of cigarettes.