The good, the bad and the Illuminati-approved
Another year, another Grammy red-carpet review
Feel that? It's the world correcting its axis after Beyoncé's AOTY win.
The collective commentary at Sunday night’s Grammys was that behind every successful woman is herself. And behind every red-carpet look, is a stylist searching for new clients come Monday morning.
Let’s get into it.
Lady Gaga
Brat summer, Fascist winter, Gothic spring—what era are we in now, Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta? Channeling Madonna’s Ray of Light "Frozen" era—where she wore several looks from Jean Paul Gaultier’s Spring/Summer 98 Ready-to-Wear collection—Gaga fully embraced the dark, ethereal aesthetic. You know, that moody, blue-hued visual masterpiece?
Gaga really said she was going to be THAT girl, using the red carpet as her barren landscape, looking like she’s about to summon an unkindness of ravens.
Charli XCX
Of all the JPG by LDSS looks, why this one? They should’ve kept it in white like the original runway version (look 63). The grey? A tragic misstep. This look feels dusty—like the dark cloud Ariana Grande wore on the red carpet (shudders). Was Charli channeling the greyness of a European winter, or trying to distract us from the radioactive brat green that haunted last summer? Either way, it’s working.
Doechii
Now this is how you serve. Thank you, Doechii! We were drowning in red carpet mediocrity, and you pulled us out with sheer elegance. That hip shaping? Divine. The collaboration with Thom Browne? Perfection. 10/10.
Beyonce
Congratulations, Queen! Daniel Roseberry knows how to make a gown, and the embellished bandana against gold was a stunning motif. But—and we hate to say this—there were errors.
First, the underwire situation. Someone miscalculated Bey’s bust measurements, and whoever it was? You’re fired. Second, the hair. No shade to the descendants of Khaleesi, but this look? Not it. The stark straightness dragged the whole look into a drag of herself territory.
It’s a recurring challenge for Bey: excelling in grand concert spectacles but falling flat in more intimate red carpet moments. The slayage evaporates. Someone needs to study this phenomenon. The Beynomenon, if you will.
Taylor Swift
Well, well, well, look who left the awards show empty-handed. The Taylor fatigue is real. This look? Doing absolutely nothing. The T-charm chain draped over her thigh (a belly chain but for the thigh??) screamed Moulin Rouge parody. Taylor, sweetie, we know Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, but red-on-red-on-red is overkill. And if you dare release another version of your 100 versions this year, we will be filing a public nuisance complaint with the authorities.
Willow Smith
Now, Willow, you know this look would’ve been immaculate with the coat buttoned (to the top?) and the waist cinched. The shoes—stale after being all the rage a few seasons ago—should’ve stayed in the closet or, better yet, secured a spot on The RealReal. Hair and glam? Fab. Which is why we’re kinda mad you didn’t give the look the integrity it deserved.
We’d ask to have a word with your parents (note, Will Smith was in attendance…), but judging by your brother’s look, it’s apparent they checked out of parenting eons ago. By the way, how old are these kids?
Jaden Smith
Old enough to be roasted on a red carpet, apparently.
Jaden, always making a statement—but where’s the art to back it up? The look felt like a house with no furniture. A prop. The industry’s “look, a Smith for sale!” moment. Great property if you’re looking to explore your artistic freedom while avoiding commercial success. Willem wins this one.
Billie Eilish
It’s giving three-blind-mice-cum-first-mate realness.
No sagging pants tonight—praise be! Can you imagine Prada designing saggy pants to fit Billie’s signature silhouette? Miuccia would retire on the spot. Thankfully, Billie served up restraint while still channeling Morpheus—if he took a purple pill and fell into the ocean after being stranded on a Japanese fishing boat. The world is your matrix, Billie.
Chappell Roan
And that’s on DIVA! It’s bizarre, it’s art, it’s unmistakably Chappell. Love that she did an archival pull that actually makes sense for her aesthetic. While this look may be objectively wack, let’s be real—she brings fun and drama to the red carpet like no one else. Glam? Ridiculous, but in the best way possible.
Avery Wilson
10/10, would wear. No further thoughts needed.
Kanye West, Bianca Censori
*Deep sigh* … who the f*ck invited these two? Calling it delusional would be too gentle; deranged is more fitting. Deranged divas. There was nothing "Censori-ed" about this look. Kanye, dressed like her security and exuding an energy that was equal parts protective and paparazzi-attacking, proved once again that he knows how to stir a viral moment.
Word is, both were escorted out of the venue swiftly afterwards—pun intended.
Julia Fox
Someone who comes ready to clean up her own mess—we’ll forgive her for this one; it was her birthday, after all. We hope her music career is going well. After reading her literary masterpiece (her autobiography), we'd be thrilled to hear an actual record from her.
Gracie Abrams
A not-so-subtle message to now-rumoured ex-lover Paul Mescal, perhaps? The Chanel bridal look could’ve been a moment, but sadly, it’s giving more Single White Female than ‘the one who got ran away’. Save it for a man who gives a damn, Gracie.
Troye Sivan
The sheer silk organza jacket is not hitting like it should. Did it need a belt? Should it have been sewn a size down? Forget the stylist—summon a seamstress… IMMEDIATELY. If he’d just polished the execution a little, it would’ve been perfect—but still, a win for Prada.
Lucky Daye
At what point did Lucky Daye look at the rack and think, "Yep, that’ll do"?
Fair play to a man who can’t decide between tight or relaxed, so he opts for both. But that colour? So unflattering. Out here looking like a latex band-aid—worse, like shiny, melted caramel. Too tough to be eaten up, sorry. Next.
Sabrina Carpenter
Jonathan Anderson, you did that! This baby blue Marabou dress was peak Sabrina—demure yet commanding. And that backless moment? The massive pear-cut diamond necklace acting as a halter neck? Genius. Anderson really said, "The girls have been begging for a bold jewel moment, so let’s weave it INTO the gown itself." We were gagged.
Raye
Raye, the star that you are! Sleek and dripping in Old Hollywood glam, she sparkled from every angle in Armani Privé. The bedazzled sweetheart neckline? GORG. And yet, no jewel necklace in sight. We’ll give her a solid A… minus.
Raphael Saadiq
No question, Raphael Saadiq always looks tight on the red carpet (ok bantu knots!!!). But showing up at the Grammys like it’s just another Tuesday and slapping on a brooch to elevate the fit? The audacity—we love it.
Alicia Keys
Huge congrats to Alicia for becoming one of the most awarded Black women at the evening's event. *Applauds*
Now, as for the look: The earrings and jewelled bodice are stunning, but it feels half-finished. Sticking to the original runway version and adding cuffs would’ve elevated the grandeur of the moment.
Benson Boone
The haters are asking if Benson Boone is really AI. Honestly, we don’t know who the hell he is, but we’re loving his Dolce and Gabbana look.
Jourdin Pauline
There’s smuggling peanuts, and then there’s whatever snacks Jourdin’s stuffed down the front of this all-latex number. She really said, let’s squeeze the life out of the girls. Bless her for lending Julia Fox the cut-offs—sharing truly is caring.
Miley Cyrus
It’s giving 'just dropped a collab with Pretty Little Thing' or one of those silly sustainability offenders. Miley, dear, you’re running out of chances. Also, have we seen her in a version of this look before? Absolutely. The girl’s got a type—bordering on boring. Where’s the Miley from last year’s Grammys? To be fair, the hair was questionable then, too. Miley 'Karen' Cyrus is here to stay, we fear.